Officer: That’s no way to address an officer.
Now, let’s try that again. Soldier, do you have
change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, sir!
✧ ✧ ✧
An Army base staff that was planning war
games didn’t want to use live ammunition.
Instead they informed the soldiers: “In place of a
rifle, you go, ‘Bang, bang.’ In place of a knife,
you go, ‘Stab, stab.’ In place of a hand grenade,
you go, ‘Lob, lob.’”
The game was in progress when one of the
soldiers saw one of the enemy. He said, “Bang,
bang,” but nothing happened. He ran forward
and shouted, “Stab, stab,” but nothing
happened. He ran back and went, “Lob, lob,”
but nothing happened. Finally he walked up to
the enemy and said, “You’re not playing fair. I
went ‘Bang, bang’ and ‘Stab, stab’ and ‘Lob, lob’
and you haven’t fallen dead yet!”
The enemy responded, “Rumble, rumble, I’m
✧ ✧ ✧
A very new soldier was on sentry duty at the
main gate of a military outpost. His orders were
clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special
sticker on the windshield. A big Army car drove
up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”
The chauffeur, a corporal, said, “General
“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve
got to have a sticker on the windshield.”
The general said, “Drive on.”
The sentry said, “Hold it. You really can’t
come through. I have orders to shoot if you try
driving in without a sticker.”
The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son,
The sentry walked up to the rear window
and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot
you or the driver?”
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